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November 4, 2013
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:iconscreamprompts:
For #ScreamPrompts' Children's Fiction Prompt: fav.me/d6g4jak
- Someone is right for the first time in their life.
- Main character is 6-10 years old.
- Children's fiction. First person POV.

Thought this would be a really fun one because it would force me to think a bit different. I haven't written a children's story since I was well, a child. :lol: So this is meant to be aimed at children as well as being about a kid. I wanted to write one of those stories where the character starts off with a really minor problem but keeps making it worse and worse for themselves.

So the idea was people who don't like stepping on drains because it looks like you'll fall in, even though it's basically impossible. :XD: But what if we're right??

I tried to pace it well, but let me know if it loses you anywhere. Also, how the kid's 'voice' sounds. She should be 10.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-08-02
Teacher's Pet Sneaks Out is a story about childhood adventures by Rovanna. ( Suggested by doughboycafe and Featured by neurotype )
:iconhopeburnsblue:
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahahahahhaha how funny! The end is just great! Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you! :love: Glad you enjoyed it.
Reply
:iconaverrose:
averrose Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
As a children's story, this is well-written and amusing. It's not super-blatant, so working out some of the nuances of the characters and the context kept it fun. I enjoyed your style and the brisk, action-y pace, and you let the characters' personalities come through nicely. Oh, and she sounds 10, so good job on that as well!
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you! :heart: I'm glad you think so. :love:
Reply
:iconderpychan14:
derpychan14 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This story is definitely worth the DD! Your style inspires me to write some more. :)
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:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014   Digital Artist
Oh wow, thanks! :blowkiss:  I hope you do.
Reply
:iconderpychan14:
derpychan14 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure!
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Writer
Super cool, I will add this to the DD list later today.
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
:la: Your group is a DD machine! You make good prompts.
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Writer
this one was one of the toughest, you did a good job.
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Thanks!
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconriannoodlton:
RianNoodlton Featured By Owner Edited Aug 2, 2014
HAHAHA the end is hilarious! I love it.
*Oh well I thought it was a boy not a girl
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you very much! :D
Reply
:iconcrunchy-toast:
crunchy-toast Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have a cousin who was ten not too long ago, so I think the character sounds pretty close to her age group. Your character is quite a level-headed ten year old so perhaps that's why she seem older. Even though she is portrayed as sensible, I would have though she would feel a little more scared after she fell down the hole. She was scared enough of it that she'd jump over, but when she fell she just took it kind of stoically. Not even a shriek. I think that was the only thing that seemed off to me. Otherwise this is really well written and I love the ending :)
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you! :love: I suppose kids do develop at different rates, but personally think she sounds a little old. I think you're right, that would be a good idea to put in.
Reply
:iconcrunchy-toast:
crunchy-toast Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
cool :)
Reply
:iconscfrankles:
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulations on the DD! ^^ I thought your story was charming, and completely engaging. So many great characters - and the last line made me laugh out loud :giggle:
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Glad you enjoyed it. :aww: Thanks for reading!
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh that's ADORABLE...... :squee:
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:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
You're adorable! :iconbiggrinplz:
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Student General Artist
Haha thanks!
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014   Writer
Congratulations on your DD! I thought your story was very good.
I didn't understand where the drain was for a moment, but the story held my attention so well, it didn't matter.
The end line is perfect.  :clap:
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:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. :D
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Writer
:iconyourewelcomesignplz:
Reply
:iconagonizingswordfish:
AgonizingSwordfish Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Congrats on the DD! :hug:
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you! :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconagonizingswordfish:
AgonizingSwordfish Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: :tighthug:
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you very much! Heart - Free 
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconflyingheartsplz::iconsweethugplz::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconwindsweptspirit:
WindsweptSpirit Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the DD :)

Kid sounds a bit too old for 10. My initial thought was around 14-15 until I read the high school line.  Despite that, this is a well written story with a smooth flow. I really enjoyed the ending. It was the perfect way to round out the 'problem spiral' of the story and made me laugh.
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014   Digital Artist
Thanks! :D Yeah, I reckon she sounds too old. Glad you enjoyed it though, problem spirals are so fun to write!
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:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner May 14, 2014   Writer
congrats on the DLR :-)
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:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner May 14, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you! It's good to see that group up again. :D
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner May 14, 2014   Writer
for sure.
Reply
:icondailylitrecognition:
DailyLitRecognition Featured By Owner May 13, 2014

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLR (Daily Literature Recognitions) in a news article that can be found here. Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.


Keep writing and keep creating.

Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner May 13, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you so much! :heart: I really appreciate it.
Reply
:icondanielleivanova:
DanielleIvanova Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree with the other commenters that her voice is slightly more mature than a 10-year-old's. If it were my story, though, I'd really hate to change it much because it flows so well! I thoroughly enjoyed it and you had me hooked till the end. I have some pointers about it and would love to do in deeper detail so if you'd like me to leave you a critique, let me know ;)
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:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :heart: (tbh, the only reason that I wanted her to sound ten was because of the prompt. There's not really a plot reason for her to need to be ten.) A critique would be lovely if you could! If there's anything of yours I could have a read of or give you a critique, let me know. :)
Reply
:iconsiartha:
Siartha Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
THIS IS BRILLIANT. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

I made a really loud 'OOOOHHHH' noise at the end and my mom came over and asked me what I was doing.
This was a really cute story to read, and I enjoyed it beginning to end!

Although, I do feel like the main character was 12-13, but I guess 10 might work if she was a smart 10 year old.

Thank you for writing this! ^_^
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014   Digital Artist
Omg, thank you! :hug: This makes me so happy. :D I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Reply
:iconshadowedacolyte:
ShadowedAcolyte Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013
I enjoyed this twists of fate in this one.
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013   Digital Artist
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Student Writer
I think the kid sounds a bit older than 10, maybe 13-ish, and comes off as above average intelligence. The dialogue seems authentic for the most part, but lines like ""We were discussing growing techniques."" come off a bit iffy, I'm not sure if 10 year olds would use the word "discussing" or "techniques", they would probably say "We talked about different ways to grow plants." or something like that, I think, using more simple words.

Arguing about sucking up, though, seems quite accurate for the age (at least from what I recall! :XD:).

The hinge of my trumpet case squeaks as it swings in my hand, slapping me against the leg. As much as I love my new backpack, it's a pain it's too small to put it in.

I can't even imagine a backpack big enough to hold a trumpet or a trumpet case. :XD:

The ending is lovely and amusing. :heart:
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013   Digital Artist
Yes, I've been thinking about her voice and age because of what the other commenter said. I do think she sounds too old. That sentence was meant to be said in an "I'm so grown up because I was talking to a grown-up about grown-up things" way, but I see what you mean. :XD: Doesn't really come across in text. I'll change that. I do think some of the way she talks, and also how she's thinking ahead all the time come across as older. I think kids are generally more impulsive.

Bugger! Haha, I can't believe I missed that. ^^; I was totally thinking of my school friends' clarinet cases which are much smaller.

I think I'll go through this again and fix some stuff up. Thanks heaps for the critique! You're always really helpful. :hug:
Reply
:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Student Writer
Ahhh, if I imagine it said in a spunky, "nya-nya" type voice, I can imagine it being more childish. But it's difficult to get that to come across in text, I think. :XD:

A suggestion might be to have her use big words to seem like she is trying to sound very smart, but maybe incorrectly, or mispronounced? (Not that the other kids have to notice.)
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013   Digital Artist
That's a good idea. I might have a crack at seeing if that'll work. :)
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